Celebrity Death

Why I Don't Give A Shit

All day. Seriously. I just need a place to rant. How, all day, can the only topic of conversation amongst colleagues (and when I get home, on fucking Facebook be the death of someone who they didn't even know? And about whom the best you can say is "He was a somewhat fucked up individual".

Why are people so scared of the power of death? We all die. It's normal. It's not tragic. I care about the people I know who have died recently, their friends and family, and the people I know who lost somebody. I feel mildly saddened when an author dies because they won't be writing any more books (if I liked their books - some have lived too long already on that score).

And who came up with "Don't speak ill of the dead" and has anyone proceeded to discreetly kill them and speak ill of them.

And then people say that they died young. Young for someone with money living in a rich, Western country, yes. It doesn't seem to matter how many people who aren't famous die...

Bondage Mistress

Someone asked me today if I could send him any pictures of me being a "hot bondage Mistress". An otherwise sane-seeming person, who I was having reasonable conversation with.

When I am being a "Hot Bondage Mistress (TM)", the hot part generally refers to the tea I am drinking. And you can't see what I'm wearing anyway because you've got a blindfold on, but when I take it off you'll notice I'm wearing the T shirt I met you in, possibly with no bottom half if I've been doing things to you with my cunt, possibly with no top half if it was really hot when I was fiddling around with knots. If you call me a Mistress I will likely assume you are referring to my status within a poly relationship and probably slap you. Unless you like being slapped.

And so I have thought of the only possible use for feminisation. Guys like this. Who deserve to be invited over for "hot bondage mistress" time. I should ask them first to be specific about what a hot bondage mistress wears, and to bring along an outfit. Then make them put on the high-heeled boots themselves and bugger off to have a cup of tea. Maybe they'd learn something from it.

Bondage

What I'd like is bondage aimed at women who like to get fucked by men who are restrained to please them at the same time.

There's lots of bondage sets on the market that seem to be aimed at men who want their female partner restrained so their legs are in the right place for them to enjoy their sex better, or women who want to fuck their men with a strap-on (which okay, I do want to do, but this is a separate issue).

But where is the stuff geared towards the "You are going to fuck me hard, in this precise way, and you have to keep on doing it exactly like that due to restraints or evil sadistic methods"? I keep seeing things that assume I'm always going to be on top or doing the penetrating, but in reality, what is hotter than having a man use all his strength to fuck me really, really hard until I come?

Wrapping Part Two

It's time to get access to the toys. I don't think he knows why I have placed coins over his nipples. I get the first aid scissors from the bag and sit over him, weight on my knees, one on each side. The blindfold is gone - I have to see his eyes for this part.

Can you be brave for me?

I make him promise, wait to see the certainty in his eyes. I want him to face fear and overcome it and I know how he feels about blades near him. I know I am not directly crossing limits but I'm treading all over the boundaries and that's why I have to watch him and know he trusts me.

I cut holes in the clingfilm where the 50ps are, carefully, stopping to watch his expression. I am nervous; excited; I feel like I am holding all his feelings in my heart and the simple act of cutting clingfilm is become as nerve wracking as cutting skin would be. I free his nipples and he is brave for me. It's beautiful and I kiss him and tell him that I love him, which is true, and is charged at this moment with a kind of hyper-loving, nurturing, powerful dominance.

...to be continued...

Wrapping Part One

We had discussed using clingfilm (I believe it's saran wrap, in America?) awhile ago and agreed it was within limits. I was packing for a weekend away at his house, not knowing what I'd want to use, nothing planned after the long busy week I'd had - my suitcase was a big pile of just-in-case kinky items.

And it happened that I realised I was in the mood for playing with some clingfilm. While he's out of the room, I check my purse for two large coins, and eventually settle on two 50p pieces and place them where I can easily pick them up. I double-check the clingfilm will unroll. I put the blindfold near the top.

Come and play a game. I lead him into the other room and enjoy being the only one who knows what is planned. It's been a mostly relaxing day, but I've given him cause to share some of my own fears and worries and I know the thing he needs most is awareness of his strength, increased confidence and security.

I blindfold him, first. This is ritual for me, even though relaxed, he helps me make sure it's on securely; we are equal in the power struggle - but I know one thing he doesn't know - what is happening next. As soon as I start to wrap him, I begin to feel calm, in control, cocky. I can't find the surgical tape for the coins and make him hold them over his nipples before I wrap the film around to hold them in place. I wonder if he knows they are coins, or what they are for.

I wrap his top half, and from his thighs downwards. I am sure at some stage it would be nice to wrap him up totally, but this is for me now and I want lots of stuff to play with. I have a rush of power, push him backwards onto the bed because I can. If I'd planned for that, I would have made sure it was done more carefully. I spent a few minutes adjusting quilts around the edges of the bed, making him comfortable. He is good at speaking up, letting me know these things - this gives me a glorious kind of freedom, though I still check in a lot.

He's lying on the bed, face up (for now). I make him try to move, to prove he can't stop me doing whatever I choose to do.


...to be continued...

Play with her motherfucking Clit!

her Clit!

Where was this article three years ago?!

*entertained*

Emotional Abuse

I don't think emotional abuse is talked about often enough. When it is talked about it's often assumed a) that abusers are all male, victims all female and b) that the abuse is always intentional, whereas I think people are often making themselves as well as others miserable with passive-agressive behaviour.

My experience of emotionally abusive behaviour is varied. I've seen in both men and women. Probably most people alive today will recognise the features of emotional abuse as for so many people that don't feel in control of their own lives (which, for various sociological reasons, women seem to be more prone to) it seems to be the only way they have learnt have power.

Do you feel bad, guilty, self-hating or self-blaming around someone? Does the thought of them make you feel dirty, angry, sad? Those have been my first clues in the past.

I've not written about the ending of my relationship with my once-Daddy on here yet, mostly because my emotions were so confused over the matter. I would go to him and explain something he had said made me uncomfortable and he would ignore me. Not outright - that would perhaps have been too obvious, but he would reinterpret what I said to him so that I could never effectively address a concern. He lied to me, told me he was happy about my other relationship and then tried to control it back the back door. I don't believe it intentional, but I do believe it damaging. It took me two tries to end the relationship, because in the first conversation he simply did not hear me, and then turned it around to make me feel guilty.

I spend a lot less time with my family now, because time with them often feels like an emotional battle of wills. I hope unconsciously I have not picked up aspects of emotional abuse and manipulative is something I watch for in myself. I notice it in the behaviour of friends' girlfriends. It is dramatically common. Why are we not teaching more people to communicate and like themselves instead of manipulating others out of fear?

Signs of emotional abuse:

* The other person places unreasonable demands on you and wants you to put everything else aside to tend to their needs.
* It could be a demand for constant attention, or a requirement that you spend all your free time with the person.
* But no matter how much you give, it's never enough.
* You are subjected to constant criticism, and you are constantly berated because you don't fulfill all this person's needs.

* Denying a person's emotional needs, especially when they feel that need the most, and done with the intent of hurting, punishing or humiliating (Examples)

* The other person may deny that certain events occurred or that certain things were said. confronts the abuser about an incident of name calling, the abuser may insist, "I never said that," "I don't know what you're talking about," etc. You know differently.

* The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity.

* Withholding is another form of denying. Withholding includes refusing to listen, refusing to communicate, and emotionally withdrawing as punishment. This is sometimes called the "silent treatment."

* Drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts. Whenever someone in your life reacts very differently at different times to the same behavior from you, tells you one thing one day and the opposite the next, or likes something you do one day and hates it the next, you are being abused with unpredictable responses.

* This behavior is damaging because it puts you always on edge. You're always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you can never know what's expected of you. You must remain hypervigilant, waiting for the other person's next outburst or change of mood.

from here

And here is the checklist I look at regularly as part of watching myself.